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Jangan Tinggalkan Auramu disekeliling ku

Ia membuat aku termimpi, mimpikan kita

Jangan biarkan wangian mu, mohon memahami

ia melekat di hidung yang memenuhi setiap sudut minda ku

This is my diary, so thought of the other parts of my life. Let the love linger, let the girls judge, leave them wondering, say what they think is the best to describe me. I'm getting on with the life. ~ Love is a long chapter, Shakespeare said" . who am I to overdo his expertise. 

I prioritized, what is that I want to do. the funny thing when my mom asked me what am I planning to do? I was like PhD was the most sensible thing to do mom, She was the kindest lady at the hardest of moments. immediately said she will be the proudest person to have two Dr in the entrance, instantly she changed, looking at the floor, ~ more years away, I'm getting tired". you know what she meant, you know what she wants. then she continued, ~ you go do what you want, I will take care of everything else". 

It was Deepavali week, people prepare all sorts of things, but since dad passed 3 years back. It has not been the same. I don't know how to describe it, we all know and finished grieving, but that man stole a last chunk of that tiny heart it couldn't recover, I doubt it will ever recover. And you know, he actually left us after months of quarreling, misunderstandings, we literally hated each other. but the moment that call came telling me he was not breathing anymore I wished I was not. ~Teach them to survive without you, that's the best thing you can leave behind".

I wonder if he was the most loving person as he was for years before that, I definitely would have stopped breathing. maybe that's why he became an enemy at home a year before passing. he left us with strength to withstand the hard winds, strong waves. It seems like yesterday, I was startling his sleep, complaining about the teachers at school. It seems like yesterday, I was standing by his coffin waiting to see him off". 

In my all perfect life, 22 years was in the shadows of that man. the same years that i will rejoice to be the most memorable. The years that I was taken care of, the years that was carefree and priceless. 

~ I want to look out one more time. I’m not going to see this again" - President Obama, at Second Inauguration

Pridiv . 30/12/2013 . UUM Library Postgraduate Room . 5.27pm