Page 3 : It started to make Sense

After all those days, something came up to me. Pridiv is this what you want? Someone that doesn't want you?

I don't know who was that, but I just listened, I sat I wrote down all the silly things that happened the past few months. Why did I go this bad, this silly, this kind of person that I would never like to be. It was  September, nearing my birth date. My mom used to say all the time, I was a lucky boy, I had the same birth date, 28 as my mom and same birth month, September as my dad. my Hindu stars matched my grand parents, the star the Lord Murugan was born into, my name was from a king from the lost empires in India - mind it that guy took his princess from a rival king, On Horse back. 

Thinking back all this, I realized there are so many people who love me so much, whose hearts I will break if I fail in this tiny life of mine. I have not done much, not achieved what I was meant to settle. Ya, right people die for Love, I'm sorry I have too much to think of Love has just become an accident that I could have walked away from, at this point I made up my mind, Life should smiles and laughter that make people envious of me, not cynical giggles that would say I have done a stupid mistake. I put it a aside, It hurts when you let go the person you still love"

I moved on, I celebrated my 25th birthday in UUM, with my friends, a very boring one. That night remembered telling myself, at least they appreciate you for what you are and cared to call me down for a dinner. Not the best way but I will have my days later.

Wait my second semester has just began, It was whole new story now. I started to enjoy my new life. something else startled the peace and serenity. I was joking around everyone, she spoiled me. I couldn't get myself back. the child in me was gone. that's when i settled down at the temple nearby my campus for a whole day. I was talking with this friend, glancing at the deity, I prayed deep in my heart 

~ Please let me be myself, I don't want this me right now" I was embarrassed, when the bells rang, my tears did role out. I sat behind the pillars, waiting for the prayers to end.

I started fooling around, I was looking for some one to replace her place in my heart. It was fun when there was some one you can share everything with you now. but when its empty you start searching. I did, I couldn't stay down. i made silly mistakes, I stole the wrong hearts. I deleted some girls on Facebook, when they were to accept me, I blocked some numbers in my phone not wanting to take the conversation to the next level, I even had to off my phone after all the craziness. There goes all my good character and my parents teaching, I was mad at myself when the worst happened. 

The girl that was beside me the moment I broke down, the friend that everyone will look for when they see me. I said the silliest of things to her when she giggled and shied away, I don't know what I did when she took some serious, she stopped replying my. I looked at her Facebook account, yup she was having a new friend, and she started hurting me. silly me I had a crush on her;

~ You won't know how much you like that person, until they like someone else" - I scolded myself for that, I was thinking what of a friend have i become. I liked her, I still do - I hope the best for her, but Im not in the position of messaging her all the time anymore. there's a far distant friend. 

~ A stranger today maybe the best friend in the making, A best friend today, maybe the stranger to be tomorrow"

Accidents happen fast, they hurt only after u realize it happened. well she used to tell everyone I was her Boyfriend. That makes us the same people in different boats I guess, You know I knew it but I didn't know it until you forgot it. She was the prettiest girl, that I ever saw being jealous of me talking to another, It still makes me smile.

~ Im a Flawed Character" - Lance Armstrong, American Olympic Cyclist

Pridiv . 30/12/2013 . UUM Library postgraduate room . 4.32pm